YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PICK THAT UP?                                                By Richard Livsey NEW YORK CITY - It’s getting to the point to where walking down the sidewalk in certain neighborhoods  is like navigating through a fecal minefield. There’s so much dog crap scattered about that I  find myself doing the dog shit shuffle. That’s a two  step, a hop and a jump if you don’t know it. Across the five boroughs, there’s enough organic matter on the ground to fertilize half the cornfields in  Indiana. And when it rains, all of that bacteria rushes down into the sewer where it mixes with rat feces, human waste, garbage, oil and other deadly chemicals, and then it ultimately ends up in our coastal waterways. Think about that the next time you’re chilling at the beach. But this isn’t just a problem here in New York. I know someone that lives in a quiet little suburban town that had to take their neighbors to court over dog shit. The people that lived behind them just wouldn’t pick up after their dogs, and whenever the wind turned in their direction, that nasty odor invaded their premises with the vengeance of a hippie’s armpit. Half the problem is that people don’t realize when you buy a dog it’s a 10-15 year commitment. That’s  over a decade of feeding  your dog and picking up  your dog’s excrement on a  daily basis. It’s sad to think  that some people are under the impression that buying a  dog is like having a romantic  fling. That when you lose  interests, the dog will just  start taking care of itself.  Wrong again, Einstein. That  dog is just as dependant  upon you as Kevin Federline is dependant upon Britney Spears' bank account. And yeah, following your dog around with a little plastic bag  and scooping up that warm pile  of love every day is a shit job.  But nobody else is going to do  it, so you have to. Now go  ahead, ask me how much is that doggie in the window? And for all of you people out  there that are fed up with dog  owners not being responsible.  Here are a few things that you  can do: 1) When you see someone  leaving the scene of a canine  number two. Take a deep  breath, and project your voice   loud and clear: “Excuse me sir,  I think you forgot something.  Yes, I believe this is yours  because it came out of your   dog’s ass.” 2) For repeat offenders, you can  take a picture of the evidence and  of the guilty party and forward it to  the police. But that will probably  get the same response as if you  reported someone jay walking  across Broadway. The police  either don’t care or are too busy to  write tickets for this health code violation. And yet the city is  strapped for cash. Go figure. 3) Now this is my personal  favorite, pick up the shit up in your  own bag. Follow the person back  to their building, and leave it on  their stoop with a little note: Dear Owner of the Black Lab that lives  in this building. You left this on the   street this morning, and it looked  important so I have kindly returned it to you. Now fuck off and start  picking up after your dog.                                                                 Is there a problem in your neighborhood?  feedback@richardlivsey.com
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